Friday, January 17, 2014
This year so far has been a long restless writing experience. With about four or five essays for this class ranging from 1 page to 3 pages and multiple research papers for other class totaling up to 20 pages I'm feeling a bit tired of typing/writing. I am tired of writing but I do feel as though my skill as a writer has improved a little. My flow when it comes to writing has gotten better and my punctuation has gotten a little bit better, but there is always room for improvement in my punctuation. When it comes to writing I feel as if I'm not really doing as well as I should be. I feel as though I don't have the aspirations for it, and that's maybe because I do still struggle with the punctuation part of writing. Also my word choice is still really not where I'd like it to be but with the lack of ambition for writing that's what you get. What I think I've succeeded on the most so far this year is probably my focus on the subject matter and how efficiently I'm now able to type an essay or research paper.
The first assignment I choose was also our first journalistic assignments. Well to be bluntly honest I choose this piece because I thought I did fairly well on it and because we've only done three full essays. This is my first. My second essay was way to personal and private for me to be sharing with everybody and the third was recently just passed in and I don't know if I even did well enough on it to pass it in/ represent my writing skill. The process for this essay was to interview a person that has a career that you are interested in doing. When you interview them have at least 5-10 question to ask them that will give you insightful answers and even peak my our interest. Then write a two page essay that gave the reader an idea of who this person is and what their personality is like. You had to do this by taking the answers to your questions and put together to shape out what their career is like and how they felt about everything. I think my strengths for this piece was organization and overall I think that the story/article was good. My weakness in this piece was definitely with the quotations. It was hard to take what he said and form it into a story.
The second piece I choose was our most resent assignment. Our feature article. I choose this one because this was my only other option. Well the process was simple, interview people on any subject that was an event and then write an article about it. We had to at least interview 2 people about the subject and take the questions and answers and form it into an article about the event. I interview 2 students and 1 teacher about winter carnival and then took my previous knowledge and wrote the article. I'm not really sure what exactly my strengths and weakness are in this piece cause its not graded, but if I had to guess, my weakness would probably punctuation and strength would probably be my use of quotes. Maybe.
My uncle Brett Hathaway is living in New Hampshire and is sharing a half a million dollar house with his wife Shannon and his son, my cousin Connor. Brett recently turned 40 years old and is currently working for a computer maintenance agency. Brett, like me, absolutely hated school and everything that comes with it. So when his senior year rolled around like me he had to start really thinking about what he wanted to do with his life. But like me, all he knew was he "didn't want to go to college and wasn't sure what he wanted to do". Knowing college was out of the question for me and many others he knew that he had to figure something out. He had been hearing from his cousin Jeff who joined the Air Force 3 years before he was eighteen and reportedly "couldn't say enough good things about the Air Force".
With this persuasion and really not having a clue of what to do with his life, he joined the Air Force right out of high school. He told me all about how, when he joined the Air Force and went to boot camp, he had to " cut off all" his hair, and how he slept on the top of his bed "so not to disturb the perfectly made bed in order to pass inspections". He also mentioned that they had a "dorm guard after lights out" and that they took "turns standing watch at the door in case someone tried to get in". When they had to do their laundry everything had to be folded perfectly like his socks, handkerchiefs and apparently when it came to t-shirts they had to line "up all four edges with tweezers". And they had "five or less minutes to eat all meals". His T.I ( Technical Instructor) which is basically the person that helps get you through boot camp and is in some ways your commanding officer, was a " black female, about 5'1" weighing approx 120" but only if she had been wearing clothing that was soaking wet and weighing her down. Knowing how the T.I's are if you have seen any war movie they are "loud, obnoxious and intimidating". But as soon as they graduated she was "sweet as pie". He did have an incident in the Air Force that I knew about but didn't bring up with him. It had to with him finally finding something he really enjoyed doing and hoped to do once out of the Air Force. This was working on engines. But in a test to find out if he was ready to take on the task, they found out that he was color blind and so his dream was crushed because he wouldn't be allowed to do that due to him not being able to make out the different colored wires. So instead he worked on large cargo planes loading passengers and cargo. The cargo, in part, was made up of " certified hazardous cargo ( ammunition, class 1,2,3,4 explosives and corrosives)". He also loaded vehicles like "tanks, fire trucks, helicopters, and front end loaders". Being a cargo plane loader he had the chance to visit many countries. He got to go on many adventures with his friends on their down time because of the access they had to the "planes and schedules to go where ever I wanted". He says he loved "the countries of Italy, Germany and Austria. Getting to ski the alps in Italy, sit and enjoy the fine beaches in both Italy and Maryland and enjoy the largest festival Octoberfest in Germany.
After being in the Air Force he wanted to "find a job where I could use my training" and since he had received training with loading cargo onto planes, FedEx seemed like a reasonable
job. He first started "working at the airport fueling airplanes with the ultimate goal of landing a job with FedEx" which he did. So he spent the next few years of his life working with FedEx loading their planes. He has now become my inspiration in joining the Air Force. His tales about all the times he and his buddy's would get to travel around doing exciting things, meeting new people and to just have the greatest time of his life because he joined the Air Force has made a big impression on me. Even though he went into it not knowing what he wanted to do or even what he wanted to do after I still find the idea exciting. This is exactly why I believe I should join the Air Force. This opportunity will give me the time and experiences to enable me to decide what it is that I want to do for the rest of my life.
I don't have my password for my power school. So really I'm not quite sure what you valued about my piece. But on the feedback form that I received you mentioned some of the things that needed more work on my piece. One thing that you told me I needed to work on was my use of quotes and really I couldn't agree more. I wasn't really quite sure how to in corporate them with the way that my interview went and really still not sure.the other thing you told me needed work was sentencing. You said that I had a lot of sentence fragments. I met with mr. Robinson about both sentence fragments and quotes and though he really enjoyed the profile he did notice a lot of grammatical eras but with the quote issue he wasn't really sure what to do. We did try and fix a couple the quotes but in the end I don't think it was fixed the way you wanted it fixed. But I'm hopeful that they are. I completely agreed with your advice and definitely took it. Thank you for the feedback on my essay and allowing me to revise it.
Winter Carnival is one of the only school days that brings the whole school together as a single cohesive class to celebrate Freeport High School. A day to celebrate the season, which in compasses how many days of school are behind students and how little they have left. A day full of traditions and pure fun for every class. But this year every class could be experiencing a lot of change. Polarization is happening between the students- like the democrats and republicans on the beginning of the 2013 fiscal year.
This year Freeport High School is doing winter carnival a little bit differently then what they have been doing every year. It's been reported that after many years the day of winter carnival has changed. Winter carnival used to begin with students spending the night before decorating an assigned portion of the hallways with an assigned color that represents their class. Then the next day kids would dress up in there class colors, the same colors that their always are decorated in. The first half the day they would spend in there normal classes. But the second half was when the winter carnival would officially begin. The students would first start off by all going into the gym for class competitions. This is were each grade would pick there finest to compete in an arrange of events ranging from pie eating contests, basketball contests and final the favorite among the upper class man, a tug-o-war contest. After that they would do winter sports announcements were they would introduce all the students on each team of every winter sport. Soon after would be the winter carnival activities. This is were every student will go to the three different activities that they signed up for a week before. There are a large variety of different activities ranging from dodgeball to yoga to knitting, each taking place in a different room. Then after a good chunk of time in every activity, the day wraps up with a school wide assembly in the Fpac lobby were there is a student play and a speech from our teachers and principles about students and how remarkable we are. But according to senior Ashley Richardson who is directly involved with planning out winter carnival there will be a few changes this year. When I asked ashley what exactly these changes would be she told me "well as student council presented the day of student recognition we will be having a school wide lip dub And also we will not be able to decorate the hallways". When I asked why she told me" Ms Jensen thought it would be a really fun idea to do have a lip dub with the students and teachers " "with the hallway decorating, it's because Dalton's brother has a disability and has a hard time seeing when the lights and windows are covered up". And when I spoke to Mr. Dyhrberg an American studies teacher and also my adviser, he told me about a piece of paper that was handed out to kids "that was for students to take home and get signed by your and your parents or guardian, to give the school permission to put your face on the Freeport high school tv channel". He also told me about the consequences if you didn't which meant "that you would have to sit a room with the rest of the students that didn't during the activity period". All because they didn't want to have to edit out every one of the students faces that didn't give the school permission too. With winter carnival being a day of celebration for all the students, especially the seniors it was a wonder how they would feel about these changes, so I asked a senior boy Tyler Brissette about how he would feel about the hallway change and this was his response "I guess I understand that out of respect we shouldn't but also maybe they should just keep him at home or just have somebody guide him through the hallways. I really don't care whether or not we can but I know a lot of kids that wouldn't be impressed with that". And when I asked him about the lip dub addition to winter carnival all he had to say was "that the lip dub is probably one of the dumbest things this school has thought of" and said he would take no part in it.
With some students liking some of the ideas of the changes and some not so much It will be interesting whether or not the rest of the students will stand for some of the changes or will they incorporate them, creating new traditions.